Parenting · Birth to 4 years

Your child’s first four years, one stage at a time

Feeding, sleep, milestones, manners, health and the Sunnah of a newborn, all in one place, so you can find what you need at 3am.

Find your baby’s age Start with the overview

5 age stages
Sunnah of birth
Month by month milestones
Health & first aid

The big picture

Start with the overview

The tables and quick answers that apply at every age. Then pick your child’s age further down for the detail.

NewbornBirth to 3 months
4 to 6 monthsFirst tastes
7 to 12 monthsSitting & crawling
1 to 2 yearsWalking & talking
2 to 4 yearsNursery & beyond

2 yearsis the full nursing period in the Qur’an (2:233)

~40 daysnifas, the postnatal bleeding, at most

Day 7name, hair and aqiqah

3 hoursof crying a day is the point to call a doctor

Age at a glance
Stage	Feeding	Sleep and care	Big moments	Watch for
Newborn 0 to 3 months	Breast milk (or formula) only, on demand.	14 to 17 hours a day in short stretches. On their back, in their own crib. Baths, nappies, cord care.	First smile in month 2. Head control, grasping a rattle, cooing.	Fever, yellow skin past two weeks, more than 3 hours of crying a day.
4 to 6 months	Milk is still the main food. First tastes of smooth food when ready.	Longer sleeps. A steady bath, play and bed routine.	Laughs out loud, rolls over, reaches, sits with help, knows their name.	Allergy signs, hard stools, rolling off high surfaces.
7 to 12 months	Meat, legumes, vegetables, fruit, alongside milk.	Naps settle. Move to a bigger crib when they climb.	Sits alone, crawls, pulls up, waves, says “Mama”, maybe walks.	Teething, choking hazards, falls, water. No response to their name.
1 to 2 years	Family food without salt, sugar or spice. Gradual weaning by two.	Big bed when they can climb out. Start toilet training when ready.	Walks, runs, about 6 words at 15 months, 10 at 18, 20 to 50 by 24.	Tantrums, jealousy, not walking by 2, slow speech.
2 to 4 years	Family meals, less sugar and fizzy drinks. Regular dentist.	A firm routine. Short screen time.	Running, pretend play, sentences, drawing, playing with others.	Stuttering, bedwetting at 4, fears.

How much will my child grow?
Age	Weight	Length
Month 1	110 to 200 g a week	About 2.5 cm
Months 2 to 6	450 to 900 g a month	About 2.5 cm a month
By 1 year	Roughly three times birth weight	About 25 cm taller than at birth
1 to 2 years	About 2 to 3 kg	About 10 to 13 cm

Every child grows at their own pace. Use these as a rough guide and have measurements recorded at check-ups. WHO growth charts

The Sunnah of a newborn

Adhan, tahnik, name, hair, aqiqah and circumcision. All in the first week or so.

Open the Sunnah of birth →

Vaccinations

A schedule of shots from birth. Check your own country’s schedule.

Read about vaccinations →

Looking for something for your child to watch or read?

Kids Corner has Islamic cartoons, books and YouTube channels that have been checked, with practical advice on making any of it stick.

Open Kids Corner

This is information, not a replacement for your doctor. Here is what matters most: when to call, and what to do at home.

When to call your doctor
If you notice…	What to do
A fever of 38°C or more in a baby under 3 months	Call a doctor straight away.
Yellow skin lasting over two weeks, or in the first 24 hours	See a doctor for tests.
Crying for more than three hours a day	Speak to a doctor.
A cold lasting more than 3 to 4 days, ear pain, a sudden rise in temperature, abnormal breathing, vomiting, stomach pain or a severe headache with constant crying	Call the doctor.
Diarrhoea with signs of dehydration, or vomiting that won’t stop	Go to a health clinic.
A rash that lasts, or heat rash that spreads or hasn’t cleared in 3 to 4 days	See a doctor.
No response to sounds or their name by around 8 months	Take them to the doctor.
No tooth by 12 months, not walking by 2 years, speech delayed in the second year, still wetting the bed at 4	See a doctor.

Colds and flu

A child’s immune system isn’t fully developed until around age five, so several colds a year is normal. Both a cold and flu are caused by viruses, so antibiotics won’t help either.

Is it a cold or the flu?
Sign	Cold	Flu
Fever	Rare	Usual
Aches	Slight	Usual, often severe
Chills	Uncommon	Fairly common
Tiredness	Mild	Moderate to severe
Starts	Gradually	Suddenly, within hours
Cough	Hacking, productive	Dry
Sneezing, stuffy nose, sore throat	Common	Uncommon
Chest discomfort	Mild to moderate	Often severe
Headache	Uncommon	Common

Caring for a child with a cold or flu

Lots of fluids, and rest.
Encourage them to blow their nose. Saline nose spray is safe.
Keep the air in the house humid. Dry air makes symptoms worse.
Don’t give cough medicine without asking a doctor. Coughing clears the airways.
Paracetamol can ease flu fever and aches.
Never give aspirin to a child. It can cause Reye’s syndrome, a potentially fatal illness.

Stopping it spreading

Wash hands often. The cold virus lives on hands, so shaking hands spreads it.
Use a tissue and bin it straight away.
Wash cups, plates and spoons well if someone is ill.
Keep sick children away from others, and don’t touch your eyes, nose or mouth without washing your hands.
Many countries advise an annual flu shot.

Diarrhoea and dehydration

Diarrhoea means watery stools, more than three times a day. It is most common between six months and two years. The danger is dehydration, so watch your child closely.

Signs of dehydration

Thirst.
Dry mouth and lips.
Sunken eyes.
Skin that is slow to go back when pinched.
Loss of appetite.
High temperature.
Unusual drowsiness.
No urine for six hours.
Loss of balance, fast heartbeat.
No tears.

What to do

Keep breastfeeding, and keep feeding.
Give a rehydration drink in small amounts, often.
If they vomit, wait ten minutes and try again.
Antibiotics don’t stop diarrhoea. The drink stops the body drying out.
If it gets worse or the vomiting continues, go to a clinic.

Home rehydration drink

Measure exactly and use level spoons.

6 level teaspoons of sugar
½ level teaspoon of salt
1 litre of clean water that has been boiled and cooled (about 5 cups)

Stir until dissolved. Make a fresh batch after 24 hours. Or use one packet of oral rehydration salts (20.5 g) in a litre of water.

Preventing it: wash hands before preparing food. Wash fruit, vegetables and grains. Clean bottles and utensils. Keep flies and pests away. Reheat cooked food until it is properly hot (at least 70°C). Breastfeed small babies, and keep vaccinations up to date.

Allergy, anaphylaxis and asthma

Food allergy

It can show as a rash, hives, eczema, red spots, or swollen lips and eyelids. Common triggers are cow’s milk, eggs, fish, shellfish, peanuts and tree nuts. Many children grow out of an egg or milk allergy. A peanut allergy needs the food avoided completely, and hidden traces in cookies and prepared food need watching.

Work out which food causes it and take it out of the diet.
Ask the doctor about tests and substitutes.
Tell the nursery and carers.

Anaphylaxis: an emergency

A sudden, severe reaction. Swelling of the lips, tongue or throat, wheezing, trouble breathing, a fast pulse, dizziness, fainting, vomiting, pale or blue skin, confusion. It usually starts within two hours.

Call an ambulance immediately.
Lay your child down with their feet raised, and stay calm.
Don’t give an antihistamine if they struggle to breathe or swallow.
If they carry an adrenaline auto-injector, use it straight away.

Asthma

A long-term inflammation of the airways. Signs are difficulty breathing, wheezing, a tight chest, poor sleep and a cough that is worse at night. It can’t be diagnosed in children under about one. Follow the doctor’s treatment, and keep your child calm during an attack.

Reducing asthma triggers

Vacuum regularly and reduce dust.
Keep your child away from people with colds.
Never smoke in the house.
Wash sheets and blankets in hot water monthly, pillowcases weekly.
Keep away from car exhaust.
Watch for what sets off severe attacks.

Infectious diseases at a glance

Vaccination is the main protection against most of these.

Illness	How it spreads	Shows up after	What to look for	Protection and care
Chickenpox	Airborne, and touching blisters.	2 to 3 weeks (about 14 days).	Mild fever, tiredness, then itchy red bumps that turn to blisters, then scabs.	Vaccine. Keep them home until the blisters crust. Calamine lotion, trimmed nails, paracetamol, no aspirin.
Polio	Coughs and sneezes, and food or drink contaminated by stools.	3 to 21 days.	High fever, headache, stiff neck and back, muscle weakness, possible paralysis.	Vaccine in a series of doses from about 2 months, plus boosters.
Whooping cough	Coughs, sneezes and touching the patient’s things.	4 to 21 days (about 7).	Long bouts of coughing that end in a “whoop”, fever, bluish skin while coughing.	DTaP vaccine in a series of doses from about 2 months, plus boosters. Isolation and a doctor’s care.
Measles	Airborne, from before the rash.	10 to 14 days.	High fever, cough, blocked nose, swollen eyes, then a rash from the face down after 4 to 5 days.	MMR vaccine. Rest, fluids, dim light. Never aspirin. Complications can be serious, which is why vaccination matters.
Rubella	Airborne.	14 to 20 days.	Cold-like signs and a mild rash for three days. The real danger is to pregnant women.	MMR vaccine. No specific treatment.
Diphtheria	Airborne, and contact with an infected person or objects.	1 to 7 days.	Sore throat, grey-black covering in the throat, barking cough, hoarseness, breathing trouble.	Vaccine. Needs urgent treatment by a doctor.
Rheumatic fever	Not contagious, but the strep throat that leads to it is.	Follows repeated throat infections, ages 6 to 12.	Fever, painful joints that move about, tiredness, and inflammation of the heart, the most serious sign.	Treat repeated throat infections. Ask the doctor how to prevent a relapse.

Small children don’t understand gravity, heat or poison, and they explore everything. Most accidents happen at home, and most can be prevented. There are room-by-room checklists in the 7 to 12 months tab. Here are the biggest four causes, and what to do when something goes wrong.

Poisoning

The usual culprits: iron pills and other tablets that look like sweets, petrol and paraffin, insecticides, stain remover, nail polish remover, tranquillisers, contraceptive pills and cigarettes.

Keep every medicine, cleaner and cosmetic out of reach, ideally in a locked cupboard.
Never call medicine “sweets”.
Keep cigarettes away. One swallowed cigarette can kill a one-year-old.

Choking and suffocation

Keep coins, beads and peanuts out of reach.
Cut fruit very small or mash it, and cut sausages lengthways.
No plastic bags, and no strings on curtains or furniture.
Toys should be large, with no small parts or sharp corners.
Keep the toilet lid closed and locked, and old fridges shut.
Don’t sleep with a baby in the bed: you can roll onto them, or your breast or a pillow can cover their face.

Falls

Wipe wet floors. Use non-slip mats in the bathroom and tub, and skip small slippery rugs.
Avoid baby walkers.
No tables or chairs next to windows or balconies. Fit barriers.
Watch closely whenever they learn to crawl or walk.

Fire and electricity

Lock away matches and lighters. Keep gas canisters out of reach.
Keep children away from stoves and heaters. Cover electric sockets.
Don’t carry your child while cooking, ironing or smoking. Never put a hot iron on the floor.
Keep a fire extinguisher, and learn to use it.

First aid

Learn first aid before you need it. Courses run in many countries. This is a summary, and it doesn’t replace a course or a doctor.

Poisoning

Suspect it if your child has sudden severe stomach pain without fever, you find an empty bottle beside them, the mouth is discoloured or burned, or they suddenly have trouble breathing, feel sick, or drool a lot.

Take the substance away
and keep the container or what is left, to show the doctor. Remove anything still in their mouth.
Don’t make them sick
Medicine to induce vomiting does more harm than good.
If it is on their skin
Wear gloves, take off their clothes and wash them with cool or tepid water.
Get help
Call an ambulance or go to the nearest hospital, taking the container.

Burns

Degree	Looks like
First	Red and painful.
Second	Red, blistered and painful.
Third	Stiff, white or brown.
Fourth	Black and charred.

First and second degree

Hold under cool (not cold) running water straight away, for 10 to 15 minutes or until the pain eases.
Cover loosely with sterile gauze or a clean cloth. No fluffy cotton wool.
Don’t burst blisters.
Face, eyes or a large area? Get medical help.

Third and fourth degree

Call an ambulance immediately.
Don’t remove burned clothing, and check they are away from heat and smoke.
Don’t put a large severe burn in cold water. It can drop their temperature and cause shock.
Check breathing, and start CPR if there is none.
Raise the burn above the heart if you can and cover it with a cool, damp, clean cloth.

Chemical burns: take off their clothing, rinse the skin gently with cool water, wrap loosely, and read the container for instructions.

Broken bones

Signs: they can’t move the part normally, the pain is intense, or it is swollen. In an open fracture the bone shows through the skin.

Call for emergency help.
Don’t move them if you suspect the head, neck or back, or unless you must to prevent more injury.
Support the limb where it is. Never try to set the bone or push it back.
Stop any bleeding.
Nothing to eat or drink and no painkillers until a doctor has seen them, in case they need an anaesthetic.
An ice pack, or a bag of frozen vegetables, eases pain and swelling.

Near drowning

Pull them out at once and call an ambulance.
If they are unconscious, not breathing or have no pulse, start CPR.
Take off wet clothes and wrap them in blankets to prevent hypothermia.

Cuts and bleeding

Press on the wound with gauze or a clean cloth to stop the bleeding.
Clean it. Small bits of grit can come out with clean tweezers. Anything deep needs a doctor.
Cover with a clean dressing that fully covers the wound. If blood seeps through, put a second dressing on top.
A large wound may need stitches, so go to a doctor or emergency room.

Bites and stings

Animal bites

Let it bleed a little to clean it, press to control heavy bleeding, then wash with antiseptic soap and cover. If the animal might have rabies, get medical help at once. A jab straight away can prevent infection.

Snake bites

Teach children not to touch snakes. If bitten, keep your child calm and still, and get emergency help. Don’t try to suck out the venom or cut the skin.

Insect stings

Remove the stinger, wash with soap and water, and apply ice. Calamine or hydrocortisone cream and an antihistamine ease itching. If there is facial swelling, trouble breathing, dizziness, vomiting or a racing heart, call an ambulance.

Something in the eye

Gently pull down the lower lid and look. If you can’t see it, gently lift the upper lid.
Lift it out with the corner of a wet tissue or a clean, lint-free cloth.
Rinse the eye with water until it is gone.
If you can’t remove it, the eye stays red and swollen, or it is stuck in the eyeball, get medical help straight away.

How the Prophet ﷺ treated his children

The Prophet ﷺ was the best of people to his family. He raised his children, stepchildren and grandchildren on Islamic principles, cared for their needs of body and of faith, and kept looking out for them after they married. When people used to harshness asked why he played with children, he said: “Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully.” Bukhari 5997

His sons

Three sons: al-Qasim, Abdullah and Ibrahim. All three died young. Al-Qasim and Abdullah were born to Khadijah in Makkah. Ibrahim, born to Maria al-Qibtiyya in Madinah, died while he was still nursing.

His daughters

Four daughters, all born to Khadijah: Zaynab (married to Abu al-As), Ruqayyah and then Umm Kulthum (each married to Uthman ibn Affan), and Fatimah (married to Ali ibn Abi Talib), the most beloved to him. Fatimah died about six months after him.

Honour your daughters, and welcome them

He said that whoever is tested with daughters and treats them well, they will be a shield for him from the Fire. When Fatimah came in, he stood up, kissed her and sat her in his own place.

Try this: show you are happy to have daughters. Greet them warmly, stand up, hug them, and invest in their upbringing and manners.

Bukhari 5995Muslim 2629Abu Dawud 5217 · SahihTirmidhi 3872 · Sahih

Ask her, and keep marriage simple

A virgin is not married until she gives her permission, and her silence counts as permission. Ali had nothing to give as a mahr except his coat of mail, and the Prophet ﷺ accepted that.

Try this: ask your daughter before you agree. Look for a man of faith and good character, don’t inflate the mahr or the wedding, and help the couple where you can.

Bukhari 5136Muslim 1419Abu Dawud 2125 · SahihNasa’i 3375 · Hasan Sahih

Stay close, but stay out of small arguments

When Ruqayyah was ill, he kept her husband Uthman home from Badr to care for her and gave him the reward of those who fought. When Fatimah and Ali argued and Ali left, he didn’t ask who was right. He found Ali asleep in the mosque, brushed the dust off him and called him “Abu Turab”.

Try this: support your children in hard times. When a married child argues, don’t cross-examine or take sides. Lower the temperature, be gentle with your son-in-law, and encourage your daughter to be patient and kind.

Bukhari 3130Bukhari 441Muslim 2409

Guide them to what is better

When Fatimah asked for a servant, he taught her and Ali what to say at bedtime instead: Allahu akbar 34 times, Subhan Allah 33 and Alhamdulillah 33. He also asked them, “Won’t you pray at night?” and told Fatimah to save herself from the Fire, because he could not.

Try this: teach your children dhikr before sleep. Invite them gently to night prayer, and teach them to own their choices instead of leaning on the family name.

Bukhari 3705Muslim 2727Bukhari 1127Muslim 775Bukhari 2753Muslim 204

Dhikr before sleep →

Comfort them in grief

When a daughter sent word that her child was dying, he told her: “What Allah takes is His, and what He gives is His, and everything has a fixed term. So be patient and hope for Allah’s reward.” Then he went to her, and wept. At his son Ibrahim’s death he said: “The eyes shed tears and the heart grieves, and we say only what pleases our Lord.”

Try this: comfort your children when they lose someone. Tears are mercy, not weakness. Avoid wailing and complaint, and remind them that everything belongs to Allah.

Bukhari 1284Muslim 923Bukhari 1303

Give your love openly

Anas said he had never seen anyone kinder to his family than the Prophet ﷺ. He visited Ibrahim at his nurse’s house, picked him up and kissed him. When Ibrahim died, he said that two foster-mothers would complete his nursing in Paradise.

Try this: hug and kiss your children, visit them, and say the loving thing out loud.

Muslim 2316Bukhari 5997

For every child, not only his own

Fair between children. He told a father who had given one son a gift: “Then take him back.” Muslim 1623
Patient with them. He lengthened his prostration rather than disturb his grandson on his back. Nasa’i 1141 · Sahih
Playful. He called the young Anas “O you with the two ears”. Abu Dawud 5002 · Sahih
Taught faith early. “O boy, be mindful of Allah and He will protect you.” Tirmidhi 2516 · Hasan Sahih

Read the main narrations

The Prophet (ﷺ) kissed al-Hasan while al-Aqra’ was sitting beside him. Al-Aqra’ said, “I have ten children and I have never kissed any of them.” He said, “Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully.”

Sahih al-Bukhari 5997, narrated by Abu HurayrahSahih

Whoever is put to the test by these daughters and treats them generously, they will be a shield for him from the Fire.

Sahih al-Bukhari 5995, narrated by AishaSahih

Whenever Fatimah would enter upon the Prophet (ﷺ) he would stand to her and kiss her, and he would sit her in his sitting place.

Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 3872, narrated by AishaSahih

A virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission. The people asked how they would know her permission. He said: “Her silence.”

Sahih al-Bukhari 5136, narrated by Abu HurayrahSahih

When Ali married Fatimah, the Prophet (ﷺ) said to him: “Give her something.” He said: “I have nothing with me.” He said: “Where is your coat of mail?”

Sunan Abi Dawud 2125, narrated by Ibn AbbasSahih

Uthman did not join the Battle of Badr because he was married to one of the Prophet’s daughters and she was ill. The Prophet (ﷺ) said to him: “You will get a reward and a share similar to that of one who took part in Badr.”

Sahih al-Bukhari 3130, narrated by Ibn UmarSahih

The Prophet (ﷺ) went to Fatimah’s house and did not find Ali there. He found him sleeping in the mosque, covered with dust, and started cleaning the dust from him, saying: “Get up, O Abu Turab.”

Sahih al-Bukhari 441, narrated by Sahl ibn Sa’dSahih

“Shall I teach you something better than what you have asked me? When you go to bed, say Allahu akbar thirty-four times, Subhan Allah thirty-three times and Alhamdulillah thirty-three times.”

Sahih al-Bukhari 3705, narrated by AliSahih

“Whatever Allah takes is for Him, and whatever He gives is for Him, and everything with Him has a limited, fixed term. So she should be patient and hope for Allah’s reward.” Later, as the child lay dying, the Prophet’s eyes shed tears. He said: “It is mercy which Allah has placed in the hearts of His slaves.”

Sahih al-Bukhari 1284, narrated by Usama ibn ZaydSahih

At the death of Ibrahim the Prophet’s eyes were shedding tears. Abdur-Rahman ibn Awf said, “Even you, O Messenger of Allah?” He said: “The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord.”

Sahih al-Bukhari 1303, narrated by AnasSahih

I have never seen anyone kinder to his family than the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ). Ibrahim is my son and he died as a suckling babe. He has two foster-mothers who will complete his suckling period in Paradise.

Sahih Muslim 2316, narrated by AnasSahih

A dua to protect your child

The Prophet ﷺ used to recite this over his grandsons al-Hasan and al-Husayn, and said that Ibrahim used it for Ishaq and Ismail.

أُعِيذُكُمَا بِكَلِمَاتِ اللَّهِ التَّامَّةِ مِنْ كُلِّ شَيْطَانٍ وَهَامَّةٍ وَمِنْ كُلِّ عَيْنٍ لاَمَّةٍ
U’idhukuma bikalimatillahi-tammati, min kulli shaitanin wa hammatin, wa min kulli ‘ainin lammah.

I seek refuge for the two of you in the Perfect Words of Allah, from every devil and every poisonous pest, and from every harmful eye.

Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 2060, narrated by Ibn AbbasSahih

He said it for two children. For one child the word changes to u’idhuka (a boy) or u’idhuki (a girl). A similar wording is in Sahih al-Bukhari 3371.

Children learn less from what you say than from what happens at home. Four things at home shape a child, for good or bad: screens, smoking, arguments and how you discipline.

Screens

Television can become a child’s “third parent”, and the risks can outweigh the benefits. Limits work better than a total ban.

What too much does

Replaces play, movement and time with you and other children.
Goes with weight gain, snacking and advertising for sugary, fatty foods.
Pulls attention away from books, study and friends.
Violent scenes cause fear and nightmares, especially between two and seven, and children copy them.
Children can see things that aren’t meant for them.

Sensible rules

Under two: no television at all.
Don’t use it as a babysitter. Watch together and talk about it.
Choose the programmes, and check the content first.
Set a daily limit, and set the example yourself.
No screens at mealtimes, and don’t leave the remote with a child.
Offer alternatives: sport, hobbies, play.
Steer clear of violent cartoons.

Smoking

Smoke in the room means your child breathes it too, and passive smoking is more dangerous for children than for the smoker. Parental smoking is linked to asthma and lower birth weight, and nicotine passes into breast milk. And a child watches you smoke and learns that it is normal. Both parents can stop, and a new baby is a good reason to do it.

Arguments in front of the children

Why it matters

A calm discussion is fine. Shouting and insults in front of children leave a deep wound. Small children need to feel safe. Constant conflict can leave them anxious, argumentative at school, with nightmares and bedwetting, and with no example to follow.

What to do instead

Don’t argue in front of them.
If a talk is turning into an argument, leave quietly, get some air, or sit in a calm room until you settle.
Pick the right moment, not when everyone is tired, hungry, or heading to bed.
Talk it through with patience, and show your children how to state a view quietly.
Reduce daily pressure with outings, or a visit to a grandparent.

Hitting and insulting

Why hitting backfires

Children expect protection and love from their parents. Hitting confuses them, and can make them fearful, or violent and stubborn. Most psychologists and educators prefer discipline without smacking.

Insults do as much harm. They shake a child’s self-respect, make them feel worthless, and give them a sharp tongue. Speak to your child with respect, and choose the words you want them to say back.

What helps instead

Give yourself time to relax. Parents hit when they have no time to rest.
Give choices: “Either stop playing with your food, or I take it away.”
Ask them to put it right. If they break a window, they help pay for it from pocket money and clear the glass.
Remove a privilege, such as a game or an outing.
Don’t let them fear you into hiding mistakes. Aim for respect from love, not fear.

Month by month

What to do at each age

Pick your child’s age. Each stage has its own feeding, care, milestones, play, safety and a short to-do list you can tick off.

Birth to 3 months

Welcoming your newborn

What a newborn looks like, the Sunnah of the first week, your own recovery, feeding, sleep and what to expect each month. Start with the tab that matches what you need today.

What a newborn really looks like

Your baby may look nothing like the photos you scrolled past. Almost everything that worries new parents in the first days is normal and fades within weeks.

Seven things new parents ask about most

Head shape.
After hours in the birth canal the head can look long or squashed. It rounds out within days. Babies born by C-section usually have rounder heads.
Soft spots.
The gaps between skull bones let the head squeeze through birth. The back one closes within a few months. The front one takes about 9 to 18 months. Don’t worry about it; wash and stroke the head gently as usual.
Eyes.
Puffy for a few days from birth pressure. A sticky yellow discharge can mean a blocked tear duct or a mild infection, so ask your doctor for drops. Real eye colour settles after a few months.
Nose.
Often blocked. Don’t use nose drops or anything else without asking a doctor first.
Mouth and tongue.
A white tongue is normal in a baby who lives on milk. White spots on a pink tongue can be thrush, which your doctor can treat.
Skin.
A white waxy coat (vernix) protects the skin and is absorbed slowly. Blue-grey patches called Mongolian spots are harmless. Red marks from birth pressure fade in a week or ten days. Hands and feet can look bluish for the first hours, and swollen genitals come from your hormones.
Hair.
The dark newborn hair falls out in the first week and new hair grows in. Fine down on the cheeks, ears, shoulders and back goes by about month four. Hair colour at birth doesn’t predict colour later.

The first cry

It means your baby’s lungs have switched from the placenta to breathing air. It also tells the midwife the airway is clear and the voice box works. If your baby’s cry changes suddenly later on, mention it to a doctor.

Normal in the first hours

A swollen face and eyes, rosy lips, bluish hands and feet, and a tuck of swelling in the genitals. All of it settles quickly and none of it is your doing.

Jaundice: yellow skin in the first days

Jaundice is very common. Bilirubin is a yellow pigment made when old red blood cells break down. A young liver can’t clear it fast enough, so it builds up and the skin and eyes turn yellow. It usually shows in the first few days.

The order the yellow spreads

Type	What it looks like	What happens
Normal (physiological)	Shows in the first days and fades by the end of week one. Premature babies can take up to two weeks.	Usually settles by itself.
Needs a check (pathological)	Lasts longer than two weeks.	Needs tests to find the cause.

Why it happens

The liver isn’t mature yet and can’t clear bilirubin quickly.
The body makes too much bilirubin.
An infection in the blood.
A mismatch between your blood group and the baby’s (Rh or ABO).

How it is treated

A blood test
measures the bilirubin level.
If it is high
the baby has phototherapy: special lights that turn bilirubin into something the body can pass.
If it is low
the yellow fades alone within one or two weeks.

Vaccinations

Most countries run a vaccination schedule: a series of shots at set ages, starting from birth. In some countries it is compulsory and in others it is recommended. The exact ages differ from country to country, so follow your own health service’s schedule.

Common childhood vaccines
Vaccine	Protects against
Hepatitis B	Hepatitis B, a liver infection.
TB	Tuberculosis, in countries where it is common.
DTP (or DTaP)	Diphtheria, whooping cough (pertussis) and tetanus.
Polio	Poliomyelitis.
Pneumococcal	Pneumonia, meningitis and ear infections caused by the pneumococcus germ.
MMR	Measles, mumps and rubella.
Chickenpox (varicella)	Chickenpox.
Hepatitis A	Hepatitis A.

Many of these are given as a series of doses in the first year or two, with boosters around four to six years. Ask your doctor or health visitor what is due, and when.

UK schedule (NHS) US schedule (CDC)

Getting ready: what to buy

Before the baby arrives, have the basics in the house. Think about the season your baby will be born in, and don’t stock up on one size. They outgrow clothes fast.

Clothes

6 sleepsuits and 6 vests (the kind that fasten between the legs)
Bibs, and socks if the suits have no feet
3 or 4 going-out outfits
A coat or snowsuit for cold weather
2 receiving blankets, plus a woollen blanket in winter

Cotton, cotton blends and knits are the softest. Some wool and synthetics itch.

Hygiene

6 to 8 packs of nappies
Sterile gauze for the belly button
Mild baby soap and shampoo
Nappy rash cream and wipes
Bags for dirty nappies
Soft towels, comb and brush
Round-ended nail scissors
A baby bath

Feeding

If you plan to breastfeed, you may want a breast pump and some sterilised bottles for expressed milk. See the Feeding tab for everything else.

Bedroom

A bassinet or a crib, fitted sheets and blankets. You may want a few things to make the room feel like theirs.

Getting around

An infant car seat, a pram or stroller, and a baby carrier or sling.

The first week, step by step

These are the first things Muslim parents do for a newborn. Most of them are recommended (Sunnah). Circumcision for boys is wajib (required). Do what you can, in the order you can, because nobody expects you to manage it all on day one.

BirthGlad tidings
Share the news. Congratulate one another and make dua for the family.
First hoursAdhan and tahnik
The adhan in the right ear, the iqama in the left. Then a chewed date on the palate.
Birth to day 7Choose a name
A good name. It can be given on the day of birth or any day up to the seventh.
Day 7Hair and aqiqah
Shave the head, give the hair’s weight in silver as charity, and offer the aqiqah.
Early onCircumcision (boys)
Wajib for boys. Best done in the first days, by a qualified doctor.

Each practice at a glance
Practice	What you do	Ruling	Source
Glad tidings	Tell people the good news and congratulate the parents.	Recommended	Qur’an 11:71
Adhan and iqama	Adhan in the right ear, iqama in the left.	Recommended	Abu Dawud 5105, Tirmidhi 1514
Tahnik	Chew a soft date and rub a little on the roof of the baby’s mouth. Make dua for blessing for the baby.	Recommended	Bukhari 5467, Muslim 2145
Naming	Choose a good name, from the day of birth up to day 7.	Parents’ duty to choose well	Muslim 2315, Abu Dawud 2838
Shaving the head	Shave the hair on day 7. Weigh it and give that weight in silver (or its value in money) to the poor.	Recommended	Abu Dawud 2838, Tirmidhi 1519
Aqiqah	Sacrifice for the baby on day 7. Two sheep for a boy, one for a girl.	Confirmed Sunnah	Abu Dawud 2838, Tirmidhi 1513
Circumcision (boys)	Done by a qualified doctor, best in the first days.	Wajib (required) for boys	Bukhari 5889, Muslim 257

Read the narrations (each checked against the source)

And his wife was standing, and she smiled. Then We gave her good tidings of Isaac and after Isaac, Jacob.

Qur’an 11:71Qur’an

I saw the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) uttering the call to prayer (Adhan) in the ear of al-Hasan ibn Ali when Fatimah gave birth to him.
Tirmidhi 1514 records it too and grades it hasan sahih. A few scholars weaken the chain, which is why some describe the practice as recommended rather than established.

Sunan Abi Dawud 5105, narrated by Abu Rafi’Hasan

A son was born to me and I took him to the Prophet (ﷺ) who named him Ibrahim, did Tahnik for him with a date, invoked Allah to bless him and returned him to me.

Sahih al-Bukhari 5467, narrated by Abu MusaSahih

A child was born to me this night and I named him after the name of my father Ibrahim.

Sahih Muslim 2315, narrated by AnasSahih

A boy is in pledge for his Aqiqah. Sacrifice is made for him on the seventh day, his head is shaved and he is given a name.

Sunan Abi Dawud 2838, narrated by Samurah ibn JundubSahih

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) had the Aqiqah for al-Hasan with one sheep, and said: O Fatimah! Shave his head and give the weight of his hair in silver as charity.

Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 1519, narrated by Ali ibn Abi TalibHasan

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) ordered them that for a boy, two sheep were sufficient, and for a girl one sheep.

Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 1513, narrated by AishaSahih

Five are the acts of fitra: circumcision, removing the pubes, clipping the moustache, cutting the nails, plucking the hair under the armpits.

Sahih Muslim 257 and Sahih al-Bukhari 5889, narrated by Abu HurayrahSahih

Aqiqah, explained

Aqiqah is an animal sacrificed in gratitude to Allah for the blessing of a child. It is a confirmed Sunnah (Sunnah mu’akkadah). The Prophet ﷺ said every child is “held in pledge” for it until it is done.

For a boy

2 sheep

Two sheep of the same age and quality.

For a girl

1 sheep

One sheep.

When to do it

Day 7The Sunnah time
Count the day of birth as day 1. A baby born on Saturday has the aqiqah the following Friday.
Day 14If day 7 is missed
Do it on the fourteenth day.
Day 21If that is missed too
Do it on the twenty-first day.
After thatAny day
It can still be done on any later day.

The animal

The conditions are the same as for the Eid sacrifice (udhiyah). Sheep are best, because the reports mention sheep.

Animal	Minimum age
Sheep	6 months
Goat	1 year
Cow	2 years
Camel	5 years

It must be free of clear defects: obviously blind or one-eyed, very thin, clearly lame or clearly sick.

The meat

Eat some of it yourselves.
Give some as gifts.
Give some as charity.
You can invite family, friends and neighbours to eat together.

Cooking it all is recommended, even the part you give away. Handing it over uncooked is also fine.

Good to know about aqiqah

One animal per child. A single sheep, cow or camel can’t be shared between two babies, because the aqiqah stands in for one child.
Who offers it. Usually the father. If he has died or can’t, the mother can. A grandfather can too, and the Prophet ﷺ offered it for his grandsons al-Hasan and al-Husayn.
If it was never done. An adult who never had an aqiqah can offer it for themselves.

Circumcision

For boys

Circumcision is wajib for boys. It is one of the acts of the fitrah the Prophet ﷺ listed. The best time is the first few days after birth, so it is over long before your child can remember it. Have it done by a qualified doctor.

Doctors also note fewer urinary infections in childhood, and a lower risk of some sexually transmitted infections.

Your body after birth

You have just done something enormous, and your body needs weeks to settle. The postnatal bleeding is called nifas, and it can last up to 40 days. Here is what is normal, and what to keep an eye on.

What you might notice in the first days
What you notice	What it means
A slight fever or feeling hot	Natural after the effort of birth, and usually gone in about 24 hours. If it lasts longer, tell your doctor. It can point to swollen breasts or an infection.
A slower heartbeat	Natural for two or three days. A faster heartbeat after birth is not, so see your obstetrician.
Trouble passing urine or stool	Soreness, stitches or tears. Small tears heal quickly.
Cramps as the womb shrinks	The womb is returning to its normal size, and the cramps can feel like mild labour pains, especially with a second or later baby. Breastfeeding helps it along.
Bleeding (lochia)	Heavy and red at first, then fading through pink or brown to yellowish-white over the coming weeks. Most of it comes in the first week.
A soft tummy, back ache, piles, stretch marks	All common, especially if you gained weight quickly. Your body has not finished changing back yet.

Looking after yourself

Week 1Rest
Stay in bed as much as you can. Keep visitors few, so you are not exposed to colds and infections.
Week 2Short moves
Get up for short spells, then go back to bed.
Week 3Small jobs
Do a few light tasks that don’t take much energy.
Check-upSee your doctor
Make sure everything is returning to how it was before pregnancy.

Eat and drink well

A balanced diet with protein, fruit, vegetables, and foods rich in iron and calcium, to replace the blood you lost.
Plenty of fluids, roughly 8 to 12 cups of water a day. Keep a cup beside you at every feed.
Little caffeine, and no nicotine at all.

Bleeding and pads

Buy maternity pads. They are longer, softer and more absorbent.
On day one, change every couple of hours, then every 3 or 4 hours.
Wash your hands before and after each change.
By week four you may only need panty liners.

If you had a C-section

The first days

You may feel dizzy and breathless in the first 24 hours. Move slowly, but do move.
Ask your doctor for painkillers that are safe while breastfeeding.
The hospital stay is usually three to five days if all goes well.
Rest, and drink lots of fluids. Ask your doctor about vitamins.

Back home

Lift nothing heavier than your baby for the first two weeks.
Keep stair-climbing to a minimum.
Ask someone to do the laundry and cleaning.
Check your scar and tell your doctor about any unusual change.
No exercise until you have seen the doctor. Ask them when it is safe to drive.
Avoid vaginal douches.

Periods, pregnancy and contraception

If you are…	Your period usually returns…
Breastfeeding often	After 6 to 12 months in some cases. The more often you feed, the longer it takes.
Bottle-feeding	Within one to three months.

You can become pregnant before your first period comes back. Some birth control pills reduce milk supply, so ask your doctor for a method that suits breastfeeding.

Weight, food and getting moving again

Your body is not in a hurry. Keep your weight steady rather than trying to lose it fast, and treat the first year as the time to return to your usual weight. Breastfeeding itself helps the womb shrink and helps burn off the fat gained in pregnancy.

Eating

Moderate portions, lots of fruit and vegetables.
Don’t ban the foods you love. A small taste stops binges.
Ate a lot one day? Go lighter the next.

Moving

Light exercise for 15 to 30 minutes, three to five times a week.
Did none in pregnancy? Start with 15 minutes and build up.
No swimming until seven days after all bleeding has stopped.
After a C-section, wait for your six-week check.

Girdles and corsets

Skip them unless a doctor advises one. They can weaken the tummy muscles, trap sweat and cause skin problems. Gentle exercise does the job properly.

Pelvic floor exercise (Kegel)

Tighten
the muscles you would use to stop urine halfway.
Hold for ten, relax for ten
Repeat ten times. Aim for three sets a day.

It protects your bladder control for life. Stop and see your doctor if you leak urine or feel pain.

Pelvic lift

Lie on your back
with a pillow under your head and knees bent.
Tighten and press
Tighten your pelvic floor, pull your lower tummy in, and press your lower back into the bed for a count of three. Then lift. Repeat ten times without holding your breath.

Your feelings matter as much as your stitches

After birth you are suddenly responsible for a tiny person, on top of everything else you already carried. Many mothers feel low, tearful or overwhelmed, or feel they have lost their looks and their freedom. When it takes hold, it is called postnatal depression. It is common, and it is not a failing.

What helps

Tell your husband how you feel. He can take the baby while you go for a walk or do some shopping.
Get in touch with other full-time mothers. They understand, and it eases the loneliness.
Do something you love: writing, drawing, sewing, exercise.
Do some charity work, and make a little time for yourself every day.
Play with your baby and talk to them. That first smile is worth waiting for.

Dads, this part is for you

A husband is often the best support a new mother has. Take some of the care, keep the atmosphere calm and kind, and encourage her.

Fathers can feel forgotten too. Set aside time each day for the baby and for each other.

When to go back to work

Some mothers want to return early, around three months, for their career or for financial independence. Only you can answer the question. Here are four things to think through.

1. Your baby’s health

Any health problem to keep in mind?

2. Who will care for them

A grandmother or trusted neighbour, or a nursery you trust that looks after babies this age.

3. Your leave

Must you go back quickly, or can you take longer until you feel sure?

4. Your balance

How ready are you to balance work outside the home with home?

Breastfeeding

Breast milk is made for your baby: the right mix of nutrients, at the right temperature, clean, free and always ready. It does more than feed. Holding your baby close builds a bond through touch, smell and eye contact.

For your baby

Antibodies that protect against diarrhoea, stomach bugs, ear and urinary infections.
Lower risk of obesity later on.
Comfort, security and a strong bond with you.
Always fresh, safe, and at the right temperature.

For you

Your womb shrinks back faster.
Helps you lose the weight gained in pregnancy.
Delays your periods, which spaces out pregnancies.
Lower risk of breast and ovarian cancer, osteoporosis and diabetes.
No cost, no sterilising, no preparing.

The first feed

Feed as soon as you can after birth. Your first milk, colostrum, is packed with protein, vitamins, minerals and antibodies, and it suits a newborn’s stomach. Feeding early also makes the womb contract and helps prevent heavy bleeding.

Don’t worry about the tiny amounts in the first days. Your baby is born with water reserves and mostly needs the protein and antibodies.

Does my baby need water?

Not before six months. Breast milk, and formula too, is already mostly water. Extra water can upset a young baby’s salt balance.

If your baby has diarrhoea or vomiting, or gets very hot, call your doctor for advice on fluids.

Getting the latch right

A good latch avoids sore nipples and helps the milk flow. Keep a few small pillows within reach.

Bring the baby to your breast
Not your breast to the baby.
Wait for a wide mouth
If it only opens part way, touch your baby’s upper lip with your nipple.
Take in the whole areola
That is the darker area around the nipple, not just the tip. If needed, use a finger to keep your breast clear of the nose.
Check the signs
The lower lip is folded back beneath the nipple, the ears move as your baby feeds, and there is little or no pain.

Not quite right?

Slip your little finger into the corner of your baby’s mouth to break the suction, take them off and offer the breast again.

Feeding lying down

Lie on your side with your baby facing you, mouth in line with your breast. A pillow behind their back keeps them close. It gives you more control over the baby’s head and is very useful after a C-section.

Is my baby getting enough?

Your breasts feel softer and lighter after a feed.
Weight goes up steadily. Newborns usually lose about 10% of their birth weight in the first three days.
6 to 8 wet nappies every 24 hours.
Yellow stools.

Building your milk supply

Feed on demand, for as long as your baby wants.
Alternate breasts at each feed.
Express what is left after a feed.
Give breast milk only where you can. The supply adjusts to what your baby takes.
Ask your doctor about contraception, since some pills reduce milk.

Expressing milk

Expressing means taking milk out of the breast by hand or with a pump. It is a skill, like any other, and it gets easier with practice. It also keeps your supply up when you can’t feed directly.

Why you might express

Your baby is in neonatal intensive care, premature or unwell.
Cracked, inverted or painful nipples.
Swollen, full breasts.
You are going back to work, or away from your baby for long spells.
You are ill, or on medicine that could affect your baby, and need to keep up supply during a break.

By hand

Wash your hands
and have a sterilised container ready.
Make a C-shape
with your thumb and fingers, about 2.5 to 3.5 cm back from the nipple.
Squeeze and roll
Press towards your chest wall, then move around the areola. Too close to the nipple hurts.

With a pump

Manual pumps use a lever. Electric ones are quicker and more effective.
Centre the nipple in the cup. It should move in and out without pain.
A double pump is faster and boosts supply.
With a single pump, switch sides several times.
Keep going while milk still flows, so your baby gets the creamy milk at the end.

Storing expressed milk
Where	How long
Fridge	Up to 4 days, at the back of the fridge where it is coldest
Freezer	Up to 6 months
Thawing	Warm water, or overnight in the fridge. Avoid the microwave and bottle warmers.

When breastfeeding isn’t possible

Speak to your doctor before you stop. Expressed milk can often still be given.

On the mother’s side

An illness that could pass to the baby, such as tuberculosis or another contagious disease.
A chronic illness that drains your strength: heart, kidney or liver disease, cancer, severe anaemia.
Inverted nipples. Ask for help with them before feeding.
Damaged nipples. Get your doctor’s or midwife’s help with your latch. A nipple shield may help.

On the baby’s side

Mouth ulcers.
Heart or lung disease.
A weak sucking reflex from a neurological problem.
Some babies, such as very premature ones, can’t suck yet.

Bottle feeding

Formula is a safe way to feed your baby when breastfeeding isn’t possible, or when your milk isn’t enough. If your milk is low, keep breastfeeding and ask your doctor about topping up. Your husband can share the bottle feeds too.

Types of formula
Type	Good	Watch out
Ready-made	No mixing. Sterile, and no risk of contaminated water.	Expensive. Use within 48 hours of opening.
Liquid concentrate	Convenient.	Follow the ratio exactly. Too strong strains the kidneys, too weak affects growth.
Powder	Cheaper, and no fridge needed.	Measure carefully. Close the lid tightly and use within a month of opening.

What you need

About ten 250 ml bottles.
Teats: traditional, orthodontic or flat-topped.
A measuring jug, a funnel and a plastic spoon.
A bottle brush that you use for nothing else.
Sterilising liquid or tablets, table salt for the teats, and a container for soaking.

Good habits

Never heat a bottle in the microwave. Hot spots burn a baby’s mouth.
Rinse bottles straight after a feed.
Don’t push your baby to finish. Appetite changes from one feed to the next.
If the flow is too slow, try a faster-flow teat.

Sterilising, step by step

Wash
Bottles and teats in hot water, scrubbing bottles with the brush until no milk is left.
Scrub the teats
Rub the inside with salt, then rinse everything in cold water.
Clear the teat hole
With a pin.
Soak
Add cold water and the sterilising liquid or tablet to the container, stir, and close the lid.
Use and dry
Take items out as you need them and let them dry.

Electric, steam and microwave sterilisers also work and save time.

Making a bottle

Boil water
Pour the right amount into the bottle.
Add the powder
Use the scoop from the tin, in the exact amount the tin says for that water.
Shake
With the lid on, until it dissolves completely.
Cool
Fit the teat without touching the part your baby sucks. Feed at body temperature, 35 to 37 degrees Celsius.

Burping

Babies swallow air when they feed. Trapped air can cause discomfort or make your baby feel full before they have had enough. Keep a bib and a soft cloth ready, because some milk may come back up.

Over your shoulder

Lift your baby until their chest rests on your shoulder. Rub or pat their back gently.

Sitting up

Hold your baby upright with the head tilted slightly forward, one hand supporting the neck and back. Pat gently.

Across your lap

Lay your baby tummy-down on your lap, supporting the head, and pat their back.

Bath time

Lay everything out before you start, so your hands are never off the baby. You need a tub of warm water, mild baby soap and shampoo, a soft sponge or flannel, a soft towel, and a clean nappy and clothes.

Clean the face first
Take off the top half of their clothes. Clean the nose, ears, eyes and face with a soft flannel.
Then the lower half
Undress the bottom half, clean the tummy and genitals, then lower your baby gently into the water.
Wash the head
Use water and a mild, unperfumed shampoo or soap.
Wash the body
Pay attention to the folds of the neck, the creases of the body and the genital area.
Lift out safely
Left hand under the head, neck and shoulders, right hand under the bottom. Lay your baby on a soft towel and pat dry.
Moisturise
A zinc cream on the bottom helps prevent nappy rash. Rub a little baby-safe oil over the body, especially the creases. Skip cologne and anything perfumed.

Water temperature

Under 36°Too cool

36 to 37°CJust right

Over 37°Too hot

Never add hot water while your baby is in the tub.

Bath safety

Never leave your baby alone in the water, even for a moment.
Don’t let them stand in the tub until they can stand firmly.
Bathe and dress in the same room to avoid draughts.
Keep it under five minutes. Talk and play so water feels like a happy place.
Best about half an hour before a feed.

Sponge bath, part by part

Use this if your baby is unwell, has a low weight or hates the water. Also use it until the cord stump falls off and, for boys, until the circumcision has healed. Never pull on the cord.

Part	How
Skin	Rub gently with a sponge dampened in lukewarm water, dry with a soft towel and add a little baby oil. Most spots and rashes clear alone. See a doctor if one lingers.
Eyes	A separate piece of damp cotton wool for each eye, wiping from the inner corner outwards.
Ears	Wipe the outer ear with a cloth. Never use cotton buds, which can damage the eardrum.
Nose	Wipe around each nostril from the outside with a damp cloth every day.
Nails	Clip while your baby sleeps, and do it regularly so they can’t scratch their face.
Belly button	After the cord falls off, keep the area clean and dry with no dressing. Fold the top of the nappy down. See your doctor if you notice discharge or redness.

Nappies

Disposable

Quick and easy, and available in every size. Many mothers prefer them.

Cloth

Washed and reused, from folded towelling to fitted styles. Some mothers use cloth at home and disposables when out or travelling.

Changing, step by step

Get everything ready
Cloths, warm water with a little mild soap, barrier cream. Never leave your baby alone on the changing table or bed.
Lift and roll
Lift by the ankles and roll the dirty nappy halfway under.
Clean front to back
Always. For a girl this reduces the chance of bacteria reaching the vulva.
Dry, then a fresh nappy
Slide the clean one under, fold the top below the belly button if it hasn’t healed, and fasten firmly enough to stop leaks.
Wash your hands

Preventing nappy rash

Change after every wet nappy and every bowel movement.
Leave the nappy off for a while whenever you can, so air reaches the skin.
Don’t fasten it too tight.
Use a protective cream such as zinc oxide.
Skip perfumed wipes and cortisone creams.
See a doctor if the rash lasts a long time.

Dressing your baby

What to look for

Warm enough to avoid chills, but never so hot that they sweat. Sweating loses water.
Soft cotton, loose fitting, easy to wash.
No drawstrings or big collars, which can wrap around the neck.
Buy few, and don’t overspend. They will outgrow them soon.

Putting on a vest

Open the neck wide
Pass the back under the head, then bring the front down.
Arms next
Put your hand through a sleeve and gently draw the arm through. Repeat on the other side.
Fasten
Pull the vest over the tummy, lift the legs and fasten the ends.

Choose a moment when your baby is happy, and distract them with a mobile or a game.

Carrying your baby

In the first weeks your baby can’t hold their head up, so support it every time.

Picking up

One hand under the neck and head, the other under the bottom. From the floor, kneel first. Never lift by the arms or one side.

Cradle carry

Rest the head in the crook of your elbow, slightly higher than the body, with your other arm around the back.

Shoulder carry

Their chest against your shoulder and their upper body against your chest. One hand supports the head, the other the back.

Fever

A high temperature is the body fighting an infection. White blood cells ask the brain to raise the temperature, because heat kills some germs and helps the body make more defenders. It is a sign that something is going on, not an illness in itself.

36.5 to 37.7°CNormal range for a healthy baby (a little higher by day, lower at night)

38°C or moreA fever. Under 3 months, call a doctor straight away

Common causes

A vaccination.
A cold or flu.
A throat or ear infection.
A chest infection or bronchitis.
A viral infection.
A urinary tract infection.

What to do

Dress your baby in light cotton clothes.
Cool the room with ventilation, a fan or air conditioning.
Offer plenty of fluids.
Ask a doctor or pharmacist whether medicine is suitable for your baby’s age, and for the right dose.

Heat rash

What it looks like

Red pimples or spots around the neck, armpits, chest, nappy area and forehead. It means your baby is hotter than they should be, from heavy clothes or hot, humid weather, and sweat is trapped in the small pores.

Prevent and treat

Light, loose cotton clothes in hot weather.
Keep the bedroom cool and ventilated, and stay indoors in the heat.
Take some clothes off and let them go bare sometimes.
Cool cloths or a lukewarm bath soothe it. A soothing lotion such as calamine can help.
See a doctor if it spreads or hasn’t cleared in 3 to 4 days.

Sleep

Your baby will sleep a lot, because their body needs it. You can’t make them sleep more or less. Learn their pattern, and rest when they rest.

14 to 17 hrsa day for most newborns, in short stretches

3 to 4 hrsbetween feeds, so they wake to eat

2 monthsbefore night and day start to make sense

For the first two months the pattern is random, and your baby is awake more at night. That is normal. After that they slowly settle into a rhythm. Keep the noise down while they sleep, and hold off on the washing machine and the vacuum cleaner.

Where and how they sleep

A safe cot or bassinet

On their back. Side sleeping is less safe, because babies roll onto their tummies.
A firm, flat mattress that fits the crib tightly, with no gaps.
No pillows, soft mattress, heavy blankets or toys.
A thin, cellular blanket tucked in, feet at the foot of the crib, head always uncovered.
A sturdy crib that can rock but can be locked still while they sleep.
No smoking near your baby.

Bassinet or crib?

Bassinet. Small, comfortable and easy to carry from room to room. Move up to a crib when your baby outgrows it or starts turning over.

Crib. Can be used from the start but can’t be carried around.

Newborns sleep best close to their parents, but not in the same bed.

Is my baby ready to sleep?

Slower movements

A blank stare, as if looking at nothing

Yawning and eye rubbing

Fussy, or losing interest in people and toys

Another sign: your baby leans their head into your chest.

The six states of a newborn

Asleep

Deep sleep

Very still. Your baby moves through drowsiness, light and deep sleep, and sleep hormone is made here.

Asleep

Active sleep

The dreaming stage, and half of a newborn’s sleep (adults spend about 25%). Smiles, frowns, eye and limb movements. It can look as if they are about to wake. They are not.

In between

Drowsy

Half asleep, half awake. Don’t pick them up or talk to them.

Awake

Calm and alert

Quiet, watching everything. They may answer with a smile.

Awake

Active

Moving arms and legs, getting ready to cry or shout.

Awake

Upset

Crying hard and hard to settle. It shows up in the first weeks and usually passes early in the third month.

Building good sleep habits

A simple routine

Bath
A full feed
Hunger wakes babies up.
Into the crib
A little gentle play, then dim the room.

Repeat it daily and your baby learns what comes next. Stay flexible, since babies vary and so do days.

Teaching night from day

Day: rock, play, sing, make them laugh, keep things bright and lively.

Night: quiet, dim lights, no chatting and no games.

Nap in the same place as night sleep where you can. A nap in the car or stroller is fine when you are out.

Gradually help your baby fall asleep without you doing everything for them.
Set out whatever you need for the night before, so you don’t have to leave the room.
If your baby has slept a very long time, wake them for a feed. Nutrition matters more than sleep.
Cool bedrooms, loose clothes and a dry nappy all help. Tight clothes or socks can annoy them.
Massage relaxes most babies, especially with a little play.

Sleep is disturbed? Check these first

Temperature. Neither too warm nor too cold. Check the clothes too.
Light. Some babies can’t sleep in total darkness, so use a dim light. Others are woken by morning sun, so hang heavy curtains.
Noise. Fridges, washing machines, dripping taps, doorbells, TV and shouting children all bother some babies.
Nappy and hunger. A wet nappy or an empty tummy will wake them.

Waking up crying with none of these present is normal at this age.

Waking early? Use thick curtains, wait a few minutes before you go in, and keep your baby awake for an hour before bedtime. If nothing works, adapt to their schedule. It changes around six months.

Should I leave my baby to cry until they sleep?

Not for long. Crying is your baby’s only way of saying they feel scared or alone, and if nobody comes, they feel unsafe. Don’t leave them crying alone for long or until they drop off.

If your baby wakes up and fusses, a short wait is fine. If it turns into crying, go to them, pat them, smile and comfort them.

Crying

Crying is your baby’s only way of talking. In most cases they cry because they need something. In the first weeks the cry has no tears and little variety, but you will soon learn to tell one from another.

2 hoursof crying a day is average for a healthy baby in the first three months

3+ hoursa day is too much. Speak to your doctor

What is my baby telling me?
Reason	How it shows	What to try
Hunger	A short cry that keeps rising and falling in volume. The most common reason.	Feed, and don’t take them off until they have had enough.
Wet nappy	Fussing and squirming.	Change it and check the fasteners.
Too hot or too cold	Hands and feet are not a reliable guide.	Feel their tummy. If it feels hot, call a doctor. Dress for the weather.
Pain	Waving arms and legs. If worse, the knees pull up to the tummy. Babies do feel pain.	Look for a cause and see a doctor if it continues.
Sudden change	A loud noise or bright light.	Calm and hold them.
Lonely or bored	Cries when left alone awake for a long time.	Talk, play, hold them.
Strangers	Anyone they don’t see often, even their father.	Reassure them. It is natural.
Colic	A loud, non-stop cry, red face, knees pulled to the tummy. It can last for hours.	See below.

Colic

Colic is one of the most common reasons for crying up to about three months. It isn’t an illness and usually has no medical cause. Still, ask a doctor to put your mind at rest. Likely causes include too much or too little milk, milk that is too hot or cold, gas, and a young, sensitive nervous system.

What helps

Rub their tummy gently.
Hold, hug, pat and play. If the crying starts again, keep going.
Rock them in your arms or a swinging cradle.
Go out for a walk.
Take turns with your husband so each of you gets a quiet room and some sleep.
Stay patient. Every baby cries at this age.

How your baby grows

Every baby grows at their own pace, so don’t compare. Have weight and length recorded at every check-up. That lets your doctor see whether your baby is within the usual range.

110 to 200 ga week in the first month (4 to 7 oz)

450 to 900 ga month for the next five months (1 to 2 lb)

2.5 cmtaller each month in the first six months

WHO child growth standards

Month by month

Month 1Weeks 1 to 4

Body

Movements are random. The head flops back if you sit them up.
Curls up like in the womb, fists clenched. May grip something put in their hand, then drop it.
Starts to discover their hands and feet.
Follows moving objects with their eyes for short spells.

Talk

Random sounds. Gurgles, or coos like a pigeon.

Connect

Stops crying when picked up or when they hear your voice. Answer them face to face.

Month 2Weeks 5 to 8

Body

Eyes open more, and you may spot their eye colour.
Better head control: can hold it level with the body when carried.
Arm and leg movements smoother. Holds things for a minute or two.

Talk

Random sounds.

Connect

Looks at whoever is talking and gazes at you. Their first real smile arrives this month.

Month 3Weeks 9 to 12

Body

Waves arms, kicks, brings hands together and spreads the fingers.
Bats at dangling toys. Grasps small soft toys and brings them to the mouth.
Turns the head strongly, sits with support and can hold a rattle.
Wants to grab everything they see.

Talk

Babbles sounds they like, such as “gha-gha” and “ah-ah”. Loves being talked to.

Connect

Wants company and cries if left alone, then smiles when picked up. Sleep is smoother, so you may get your share at night.

Things to try

Talk back

Answer their gurgles and coos in the same way. Talk face to face, and keep eye contact when you feed and play.

Eye games

Bring your face close, shake your head gently, and watch them lock their gaze on you.

Touch and tickle

Tickle their feet, stroke their nose and cheeks, kiss their hands, and try a gentle massage.

4 to 6 months

First tastes and first giggles

Milk is still the main meal. This is when solid food starts, your baby laughs out loud, rolls over, reaches for everything and begins to know their own name.

Is my baby ready?

Readiness matters more than the calendar. Look for most of these signs together.

Ready signs

Holds their head up steadily.
Sits upright with a little help.
Swallows well. Less food falls back out of the mouth.
Seems hungrier: wakes at night for an extra feed, or wants more milk.
Has stopped pushing food out with the tongue. Early on, pushing it out is normal.
Watches your food, reaches for it and tries to bring it to their mouth.
Has reached about double their birth weight.

Not too early, not too late

Too early. Before four months your baby needs nothing but milk. Their digestive system can’t yet digest and absorb food.

Too late. Waiting long after your baby is ready can mean missing out on iron and other nutrients.

Your doctor can decide the timing from your baby’s growth.

The first foods, step by step

Start with a smooth grain
Rice is the usual first choice, thinned with a little breast milk so it is easy to accept. Use a small plastic spoon so you don’t hurt their mouth.
Expect spitting
At first your baby will push the food out again and again. With encouragement, they learn to accept it and enjoy it.
One new food at a time
Give each new food for several days before adding another, so you can spot an allergy or a food they dislike.
Build slowly
Work up to two or three spoonfuls of grain a day. Breast milk is still the main food, and solids are extra.
Add fruit and vegetables
Boiled apple, mashed banana, carrot, plum, sweet potato. Cook until soft and purée smoothly, thinning with boiled and cooled water or milk.
At five and six months
Add ripe pears, apples, bananas and plums, then a teaspoon of puréed vegetable, building up gradually. Try one vegetable at a time.

Good habits

Choose fresh food, not canned or ready-made.
Wash your hands and the bowls and spoons.
Feed when they are hungry and in a good mood.
Let them take the food from the spoon.
Smile, talk and play while they eat.
Refused it? Offer something else, and try again in a while.
Throw away leftovers kept in the fridge after a day.
Choose the natural sweetness of fruit, not added sugar.

Not yet

Honey, sugar, salt and spices.
Cow’s milk as a drink until 12 months. In small amounts it can go into food from about six months.
Fried or fatty foods.
Whole nuts and hard chunks. They can cause choking.
Lumpy food. Keep everything smooth for now.

Signs of a food allergy

Rash or hives, itchy skin, nausea, stomach pain, diarrhoea, shortness of breath, chest pain, swelling of the airways.

Stop that food, note it down, and tell your doctor. Trouble breathing or swelling of the face is an emergency: call for help straight away.

Changes in the nappy

Stools change colour and smell when solids start. That is normal. If they become so hard they hurt your baby, tell your doctor and offer more fruit and vegetables, plus sips of cooled boiled water.

Month by month

Month 44 months old

Body

Lifts head and chest on their forearms when on their tummy.
Can roll over. Sits with help, head steady, for a few minutes.
Grasps firmly, looks briefly, then puts things in the mouth.
Tries to touch their toes.

Talk

Already knows the basic sounds of your language. Copies a short sound like “ma”. Kicks and waves at your voice.

Connect

Laughs out loud, loves colour and movement, and may smile at the mirror. Starts to entertain themselves for a few minutes.

Month 55 months old

Body

Lifts head and chest high on their tummy. Holds a bottle with both hands.
Picks up and turns objects over, and often drops them.
Recognises an object from a part of it. This is the start of peek-a-boo.

Talk

New sounds, and tries m and b. Turns towards a new sound. Knows their name.

Connect

Copies your expressions. Raises their arms to be picked up, cries when you leave and starts to hug and kiss you.

Month 66 months old

Body

Holds small toys with one hand and passes them to the other.
Moves in every direction on their tummy or back.
Sits with a little help and stays balanced for a while.

Talk

Repeats short syllables they have invented and copies sounds clearly. Pays attention to their name.

Connect

Knows who is a stranger and may cry if a stranger touches them. Strongly attached to you. Prefers one toy over another.

Helping them sleep

A warm bath and a little gentle play help babies settle. When they won’t sleep, ask yourself:

Are they hungry?
Is the nappy or something else uncomfortable?
Are noise or bright light bothering them?
Are they in a light, active stage of sleep?

Play and talk

Repeat the sounds they make. They love it.
Shake a keychain out of sight so they turn to find it.
Give them a rattle, and a mirror to smile at.
Give a new face time to get used to. Babies watch strangers before they warm up.

Some babies grow calm when they hear Qur’an recitation.

Quran reciters

7 to 12 months

Sitting up, crawling and teething

Your baby starts to move: rolling, sitting, crawling, pulling up, maybe a first step. Meals get more interesting, teeth arrive, and the house needs a fresh look at floor level.

Meals from seven months

By seven months your baby can move their jaw and the first teeth are coming through, so they are ready for more. Keep breastfeeding, and keep introducing one new food at a time, about four days apart.

Meat

Trim the fat
and cook it thoroughly in water.
Drain and purée finely
No spices, no salt.
Start with one teaspoon
and build up to two or three spoonfuls a day.

Legumes

Soak overnight
Lentils, foul and other beans.
Boil thoroughly
then take the skins off.
Purée
until smooth.

Ideas for seven and eight months
Group	Good choices	How to prepare
Cereals	Rice, oatmeal, barley. Usually the first “solid” foods.	Buy a mix and add boiled water, or grind ¼ cup of grain (not instant oats) and simmer with a cup of water for 10 minutes, whisking all the time.
Vegetables	Green beans, carrots, peas, squash, sweet potato or yam.	Cook or steam until tender, then purée.
Fruit, raw	Banana, mango, avocado.	No cooking needed. Peel, remove the stone, and mash.
Fruit, cooked	Apples, pears.	Peel, core, cut up and cook in a little water until soft, then mash. Papaya may need steaming.
Fruit, baked	Peaches, nectarines, plums, apricots, prunes.	Bake, or soak and steam prunes. Remove skins and stones, then purée, adding plenty of water to prunes.

If you are not sure about a food, ask your doctor or health visitor.

Helping them sleep

The same simple routine works: a warm bath, then some gentle play. If your baby still won’t settle, check whether they are hungry, whether something is uncomfortable, whether noise or bright light is bothering them, or whether they are in a light stage of sleep.

Teething

20milk teeth: 10 in each jaw

~6 monthswhen the first usually appear

~2½ yearswhen the last ones come through

Teeth begin to form during pregnancy, which is why the mother’s balanced diet matters. Each jaw gets four front teeth, two canines and four molars. The lower ones usually appear first, though the order varies. If no tooth has appeared by the end of the first year, see a doctor.

Signs of teething

Swollen, inflamed gums.
Lots of drooling and red cheeks.
A slight cough.
Biting anything within reach, chewing hard things, sucking fingers.
Pain as a tooth breaks through, and a short temper.

What teething does not cause

Many mothers believe teething brings diarrhoea, fever and chest infections. There is no direct link, so don’t put those symptoms down to teething. Ask your doctor.

Easing the pain

Rub the gum gently with a clean finger.
Offer a rubber teething ring, chilled in the fridge first.
Put Vaseline on a drool rash under the chin.

Caring for milk teeth

Give calcium- and vitamin D-rich foods.
Keep breastfeeding. Breast milk is rich in calcium.
Clean the teeth with a soft brush in a gentle up-and-down movement, careful of the gums.
Never let your baby fall asleep with a bottle in their mouth.

Milk teeth decay more easily than permanent ones, and neglecting them can harm the teeth that follow.

Dummies and thumb-sucking

Pacifiers

Pacifiers can affect the jaw and milk teeth, carry germs into the mouth and make crooked teeth more likely, so many parents avoid them.

Some health services say a pacifier at sleep time may lower the risk of sudden infant death, once breastfeeding is settled. Ask your doctor what suits your baby.

Finger sucking

Very normal. Babies spend their first months relying on sucking, and it can be a sign of worry or of missing the breast. Don’t scold, because that can add to their anxiety. Breastfeeding for two years, if you can, lessens the need. The habit usually fades quickly after weaning.

When does my baby start to remember?

From birth
Knows the sound of your voice from the womb. A breastfed baby knows your smell within about a week.
About 2 months
Recognises some people and simple actions. In one experiment, two-month-olds stuck out their tongues a day after a researcher had done it to them.
A few months
Prefers familiar faces, such as yours and their father’s.
6 to 12 months
Can recall details: where toys are, what usually follows a meal, a bath or bedtime, and actions they saw a week ago.
14 to 18 months
Long-term memory of specific events begins.

Why babies still cry now

After six months they cry less, and you know most of the signs. They never stop altogether. The usual reasons at this stage:

Teething pain.
Upset over new foods. They come to enjoy them with time.
“Mama, I want more attention.”
Feeling you are paying them less attention, or missing you when you leave.
Boredom while you do the housework. Leave age-suitable toys with them.
Bumps and bruises as they start to move. Make the house safe.

Month by month

Month 77 months old

Body

Kicks, pushes, rolls both ways.
Tries to pull up to stand, but can’t yet.
Holds more than one toy. May crawl backwards.

Talk

Listens closely. First three-syllable sounds like “da-da-da”.

Connect

Knows you and the family. Upset if strangers pick them up.

Month 88 months old

Body

Sits without help and crawls.
May stand holding furniture, but needs help to sit back down.
Picks up small objects.

Talk

Knows some sounds (a cat’s meow) and starts to understand “yes” and “no”. Turns to their name.

Connect

Likes to be the centre of attention. Anxious around strangers. Imitates you.

Month 99 months old

Body

Tries to stand without holding on. Walks with support.
Goes from standing to sitting. May crawl up stairs.
May eat with a spoon. Waves bye-bye back.

Talk

May say a clear “Mama”. Copies many words without understanding them.

Connect

Objects loudly if you take a toy. May fear heights. Gets very upset when you leave.

Month 1010 months old

Body

May stand alone and moves round furniture.
Climbs onto chairs and up stairs.
May drink from a cup. Plays with colourful blocks.

Talk

Understands more words. May say simple words with meaning. Point and mumble count as talking.

Connect

Loves peek-a-boo. Their character shows: bold and smiley, or shy. Answers “Where is Baba?” by pointing.

Month 1111 months old

Body

Stands alone, bends down, squats.
Climbs stairs. Crawls energetically, sometimes carrying a toy.

Talk

Follows simple requests such as “Give me the ball”.

Connect

A month of discovery: cupboards, drawers, bags, toy box. Loves books and turning pages. Knows what upsets you.

Month 1212 months old

Body

Some walk. They fall often at first, and most still prefer to crawl.
Look for a lost toy, try to take clothes off and climb furniture.

Talk

Three or four clear words such as Baba, Mama, Dada. Understands “come here”, “look”, “no”.

Connect

Wants independence, like a teenager in miniature. Notices when you are happy or upset. May put things up their nose.

Setting limits, gently

Around eleven months your baby needs to learn limits, but not harshly. If they pull the cat’s tail, move their hand away, look into their eyes and say, “Don’t do that, it hurts the cat.” Then show them how to stroke gently.

Their wish to explore is far stronger than their wish to listen. What looks like disobedience is curiosity.

Strangers and goodbyes

Around eight months, being surrounded by strangers upsets your baby, especially when tired. It is hard to watch, but let them feel a little upset, leave briefly and come back. It teaches them you always return, and that builds confidence.

Talk about everything

Name what you see, count the stairs as you climb, tell them the fruit, vegetables and colours in the shop. Answer their babble with “Really? How nice.”

Books and choices

Read picture books and ask them to point. Let them choose: red socks or blue socks, blocks or rings.

Play peek-a-boo

Cover your face and ask, “Where am I?” Then uncover it and say, “Here I am!”

See the house from floor level

Every new skill your baby learns needs a new precaution. Sit on the floor beside them and look at what they see. Then rearrange the house to match how they are growing.

Where the risks are, room by room

Kitchen

The most dangerous room. If you can keep your child out, do.

Push utensils to the back of the counter. Keep knives, forks and spoons out of reach.
Don’t carry your baby while you cook. Keep hot drinks and hot pans well away.
Cleaning liquids on a high shelf. Plastic bags, matches and sharp things out of reach.
No tablecloth they can pull. Unplug appliances and keep them away from water.
Wipe up spills and grease.
Keep the fridge, washing machine and dryer firmly shut. A child can climb in.

Bathroom

Drowning is silent, can happen in a tiny amount of water, and takes seconds.

Never leave a small child alone in the bath, even for one second.
Get everything ready first. If you must leave, take your baby out, wrap them in a towel and take them with you.
Empty the tub and every bucket straight away.
Keep the toilet lid closed, or fit a lock. A baby’s head is the heaviest part of them.
Test the water with a thermometer, about 37°C. Cold water first, then hot.
Keep the bathroom door shut.

Bedroom

A separate crib is better. A deeply sleeping mother can roll onto her baby.
A comfortable room temperature, and no heater left on while they sleep.
No pillow in the crib, and no bottle in their mouth as they fall asleep.
Back to sleep, never on the tummy.
Keep hard toys out of the cot. Lock away scissors and other sharp tools.
Heavy furniture with rounded edges, so it can’t be pulled over.
Watch for the day they can climb out of the crib.

Living areas

Never leave them alone in a room with a fire, stove or fan on.
Nobody smokes around your child.
Lock windows. Keep chairs away from them. Tie up blind cords and ropes.
Nothing small they can swallow: coins, nuts, pins, pen caps, small batteries, olives.
Socket covers, and soft guards on sharp corners.
A gate at the top and bottom of the stairs.

Garden

Keep them away from sprayed areas, sharp-edged benches and animals.
Never alone near a paddling pool, and empty it after use.
Lock tools, chemicals and harmful plants away.
Grass or sand under play areas. Teach them not to eat sand or weeds.

In the car

A car seat that suits their age and weight, ideally fitted by a professional.
Newborns go on the back seat, facing backwards. A lap is more dangerous than a seat.
Doors locked, never leave them alone, shade from the sun.
Check under and around the car before you drive. Toddlers sit by the tyres.

Out and about

Never let go of their hand. If the stroller won’t fit, carry them or skip the shop.
Use pedestrian crossings, not fast roads.
Teach them, without scaring them, not to wander off or go with anyone.
If you lose your child, contact the nearest police station straight away.

1 to 2 years

Walking, talking and testing limits

Your child walks, chatters, says no, and wants to do everything alone. This is the stage for weaning, first manners, toilet training, and a lot of patience.

Eating with the family

By about nine months your child has got used to most foods, and from around ten months they are ready to eat with the family. Serve their portion first, before the salt, sugar and spices go in, and put it in a separate dish. Then season the rest for the grown-ups.

When to stop breastfeeding

Mothers may breastfeed their children two complete years for whoever wishes to complete the nursing [period].

Qur’an 2:233Qur’an

Many mothers stop around six months, but the Qur’an describes two full years for those who wish to complete it. A gentle plan is to start preparing at the beginning of the second half of the second year, and to finish by the end of the second year. Do it gradually and slowly.

FirstDrop the mid-morning feed
Give a cup of water instead.
LaterDrop the lunchtime feed
Replace it with a solid meal.
After 3 daysDrop the evening feed
Offer fresh fruit and water.
LastThe odd remaining feeds
Distract your child when they come to you. Ask your husband to take them out to play. After a few days you are done.

Looking after milk teeth

What causes cavities

Lots of sugar, especially processed sugar.
Fizzy drinks.
Cookies, chocolate and sticky sweets.
A diet low in iron, calcium and phosphorus.
Food left between the teeth because they aren’t cleaned.

How to protect them

Watch for hidden sugars, including the sugar in dried fruit.
Sugar does less harm with a meal, because fats protect the teeth and saliva washes sugar away.
Steer away from sticky sweets such as toffee and caramel, and from raisins. They keep sugar on the teeth longer.
Choose milk instead of fizzy drinks.
See a dentist regularly.

Crib to bed

Move your child to a bed when they can climb out of the crib, which risks a fall, or when the crib is starting to annoy them. This usually happens around two years or a bit later. Let them help choose the bed and sheets. The first months can be bumpy, with visits to your room, so be patient.

Will loving my child too much spoil them?

Pampering happens in two stages, and the rules differ.

The first months

You cannot spoil a young baby. If they cry a lot or won’t settle, pick them up, walk with them, cuddle them. They may be feeling pain, colic or tension, and being held gives them a sense of safety in the world.

From 6 to 9 months on

Now you may have to say no, when it is in your child’s interest. A mother who can’t bear half a minute of crying and carries her child all day will find housework impossible. The same goes for sweets and chips on demand.

Agree between you. If one parent allows what the other refuses, the child learns to play one against the other and gets confused. Parents need one approach.
Be consistent. Swinging between strict and soft confuses children.
Too much strictness backfires. A parent who shouts, hits and calls a child names makes them feel unsafe, and can raise a child who resents all authority.

Common problems, and what helps

Aggression: hitting, biting, lashing out

Why it happens

Copying what they see at home.
Arguments between parents.
Violent TV or games.
Favouring one child over another.
Being spoiled, then hearing no.
Threats and hitting at home.

What helps

Tell them clearly the behaviour is not acceptable.
Don’t hit or shout, but don’t be too soft either.
Don’t reward it. A five-minute time out, or ignoring, works better than punishment.
Teach the difference between their things and other people’s.
Channel the energy: running, sport, play.
Check what they watch, and keep family arguments away from them.

Stubbornness

Some stubbornness in every child is normal. It only worries when it becomes their way of life.

Why it happens

Parents always refusing their wishes.
Mistaking it for a strong character, which rewards it.
Tension between parents.
Forcing how they eat, dress or behave.
Too much pampering.

What helps

Don’t meet stubbornness with stubbornness. Talk and try to persuade.
Say yes to reasonable requests, so they say yes to yours.
Ignore small things and skip the argument.
Praise them when they cooperate.
Allow mild, polite disagreement.

Fears

Fear is normal, and children fear things adults find harmless. See a psychologist if it becomes excessive (a phobia).

Why it happens

A frightening event, such as an accident or a dog nearby.
Seeing you afraid of something.
Arguments at home, and scary programmes.
Constant criticism and harsh demands.
Threats: “the cat will eat you”, “I’ll smack you”.
Jokes taken literally.

What helps

Make them feel safe. Work out what scares them and ease it gently, for example with a toy mouse if mice scare them.
Never laugh at a fear. Reassure calmly and don’t fuss too much.
Stay calm about your own fears.
Let them talk about what bothers them.
Read stories about brave children, without frightening them.

Jealousy, especially of a new baby

Jealousy is a normal childish instinct. It shows as clinging, hitting a sibling, asking for a bottle again, or wetting the bed.

Why it happens

A new baby arrives and the older child feels pushed aside.
Comparing brothers and sisters.
Hand-me-downs, when the younger child always gets old things.
Harsh telling-off when they pick on a younger sibling.

What helps

Treat children equally, and never compare them, even to encourage.
Don’t fuss over the newborn in front of the older one.
Don’t make them feel the baby takes all your time.
Play cooperative games, like building a block house together, and give equal rewards.

Tantrums (around 16 to 18 months)

Your toddler can be swept away by emotion, with tears and anger they can’t stop. They have only one way to show frustration and can’t send it elsewhere, as you can. Be patient.

Toilet training

Teach it patiently and never by force. There is no set age. It is usually between 18 and 24 months, but some children aren’t ready until 3 or 4.

Is my child ready?

Upset when the nappy is dirty.
Stays dry for at least two hours.
Understands simple instructions: go, come, give me.
Can take clothes off and put them on.
Shows signs they need to go: pulling at clothes, squatting, telling you.
Sits and walks without help.
Wants to please you.

Step by step

Get a potty
Small rewards and picture books can help.
Teach them to tell you
They will tell you after the fact first. Don’t scold or scare them.
Learn the words
Body parts, urine, faeces.
Get used to sitting
Even when they don’t need to go, but never force it.
Watch for signals
Sit them on the potty. If they went in the nappy, tip it into the potty to show the link.
Move to the toilet
Use both for a while if they refuse the toilet.
Night training
Only once they are dry all day. Fewer drinks before bed, and a potty by the bed.

Wetting the bed

Most children stay dry at night by two or three. Many still wet the bed at four and even five. See a doctor if it continues after that, or if it starts again after months of dry nights. Deep sleep is not the cause.

Possible causes

Physical: a bladder infection, a small bladder, anaemia, or worms.

Emotional: a new baby, fear of the dark or nightmares, tension between parents, harsh treatment about the wetting, or something scary on a screen.

What helps

Praise dry nights. Never show you are upset about wet ones.
Let them drink well in the day, so they learn what a full bladder feels like, and less just before bed.
Wake them once to use the toilet, without going to extremes.
Stop siblings teasing. No threats or punishment.
See a doctor if it continues.

First words

Some children don’t say their first word until their third or fourth year. Here are the main causes and what helps.

Possible causes

Weak hearing. This is the main one.
Slow development, or a problem with the tongue or vocal cords.
Feeling insecure or unloved.
Being left with carers who speak the mother tongue poorly, or parents too busy to talk.
Extreme shyness.

What helps

Have their hearing checked.
Speak clearly, in short, repeated sentences, close to their face.
Use words for real things around them, and keep talking all day.
Listen until they finish. Wait a few seconds for an answer.
Let them play with other children.
Never force them to speak or show that you are upset.
See a specialist if speech is delayed in the second year.

Stuttering

Common between the ages of two and four. It is best dealt with early, and with calm.

Don’t show you are upset, in words or on your face.
Don’t correct or ask them to repeat.
Listen until they finish.
Encourage them to talk in front of small children first, then older ones.
Mostly ignore it while you encourage them.
If it continues, see a speech therapist.

Walking

~12 monthsmost children start to walk

~18 monthsusually walking on their own

2 yearssee a doctor if they still aren’t walking

Why walking may be late

Family history. The doctor will ask about it first.
Fear of failing, a preference for crawling, or being carried all day.
Being overweight.
Uncomfortable or slippery new shoes. Skip shoes until they walk.
Illness, a lack of nutrients, or a muscle or nerve condition.

What to do

You don’t need to teach walking. When the muscles, nerves and confidence are ready, you won’t be able to stop them. Give them chances to try, hold their hand, and encourage them to stand while crawling.

Bowed legs

Very common and usually not an illness. The legs normally straighten by themselves within two or three years, often because of how the baby lay in the womb. If it continues, the doctor can tell normal bowing from a problem such as rickets. Rickets comes from too little vitamin D, so the fix is calcium, vitamin D and some safe time in the sunlight.

Clay is soft now

At this age a child is like clay that can be shaped. If manners aren’t taught while they are small, they are far harder to teach later. Teach them by doing it yourself, in front of them.

At the table

The seven basics

Wash hands
before and after eating.
Say Bismillah
before and Alhamdulillah after.
Never insult the food
or show ingratitude for it.
Eat from what is near you
with the right hand.
Don’t eat lying down
or leaning back.
Pray for your host
when you finish.
Wait for the adults
to start first.

O boy! Mention the Name of Allah and eat with your right hand, and eat of the dish what is nearer to you.

Sahih al-Bukhari 5376, narrated by Umar ibn Abi SalamahSahih

May the fasting break their fast with you, and the pious eat your food, and the angels pray for blessing on you.
The Prophet ﷺ said this to his host after eating.

Sunan Abi Dawud 3854, narrated by AnasSahih

Greeting with salaam

Teach them

Greeting with salaam is part of Islam and grows love between people.
The full greeting: as-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu (peace be upon you, and the mercy of Allah and His blessings).
Who greets whom: the one riding greets the one walking, the one walking greets the one sitting, a small group greets a large group, and the young greet the old.
Returning a greeting is required of every Muslim.
Greet people you know and people you don’t.

You shall not enter Paradise so long as you do not affirm belief, and you will not believe as long as you do not love one another. Should I not direct you to something that, if you do it, you will love one another? Spread the greeting of salaam among yourselves.

Sahih Muslim 54, narrated by Abu HurayrahSahih

The young should greet the old, the passer by should greet the sitting one, and the small group of persons should greet the large group.

Sahih al-Bukhari 6231–6232, narrated by Abu HurayrahSahih

Sneezing and yawning

Sneezing

The one who sneezes says al-hamdu lillah.
The one who hears says yarhamuk Allah (may Allah have mercy on you).
The sneezer replies yahdikumu Allahu wa yuslihu balakum (may Allah guide you and put your affairs right).
Cover the mouth with a hand or handkerchief and keep the noise down.
Say it up to three times for repeated sneezes. After that, they are unwell.

Yawning

Try not to yawn if you can.
If you do, put your hand over your mouth.
Don’t make a loud noise.

If anyone of you sneezes, he should say ‘Al-Hamdu lillah’, and his brother or companion should say to him, ‘Yarhamuka-llah’. When the latter says it, the former should say, ‘Yahdikumu-llah wa yuslihu balakum’.
The advice to stop after three comes from Sunan Abi Dawud 5034, graded hasan by al-Albani: “Respond three times to your brother when he sneezes, and if he sneezes more often, he has a cold in his head.”

Sahih al-Bukhari 6224, narrated by Abu HurayrahSahih

Month by month

13 to 15 monthsFirst steps, first words

Body

Walks without help, but isn’t steady yet.
Climbs stairs on hands and knees.
Builds a small tower of blocks, turns pages, tries the door handle.
Growth slows down compared with the first year.

Talk

About six words by the end of month 15. Understands “take”, “come”, “go”, knows body parts, and imitates.

Connect

Curious about everything. Tries things to see what happens. May hold a spoon and scribble. Recognises themself in the mirror at 15 months and says “no” often.

16 to 18 monthsRunning and tantrums

Body

Steadier, and can run and jump with both feet.
Squats easily, shows a hand preference, holds a pen and scribbles.
Loves emptying drawers.

Talk

About ten words, understands many more, and forms two-word sentences. Uses gestures for “above” and “below”.

Connect

Tantrums, picky eating, moods, and a little jealousy or stubbornness. Less afraid of strangers. Sorts toys by colour or shape, solves simple problems, and loves dolls and running after a ball.

19 to 24 monthsQuestions and independence

Body

Kicks a ball and runs after it. Better balance and stairs.
Steady gains in height and weight.
Moves to music with the whole body.

Talk

20 to 50 words. “What is that?” is the favourite question. Answers simple questions.

Connect

Copies grown-ups of both sexes. Laughs at silly mistakes. Wants all the attention. May help tidy, wash hands and brush teeth with a little help. Feels for others, and is upset by an argument between parents.

Good to know

By their first birthday, most babies have roughly tripled their birth weight and grown about 25 cm. Between the first and second birthdays, growth slows down.
Around 5 to 10% of children are left-handed, and about 20% use both hands well. It is genetic.
Toddlers explore their own bodies. If your child does it in front of people, don’t overreact. Calmly explain that these parts are private.

How to respond

Put a washable mat under the high chair and let them choose from healthy foods.
Respect their choices and skip small battles. Explain that safety is not up for discussion.
Give them small chores to feel capable: tidying, washing hands.

2 to 4 years

Play, nursery and getting ready to learn

Play is your child’s work. This stage brings games that build the body and the mind, a nursery to choose, and ways to prepare hands and words for school without rushing to the alphabet.

Why play matters

Play is how a small child learns. It lets them work off tension and big feelings, try new skills, use their imagination, understand the world and practise being with other people.

Make-believe

Playing mum, dad, doctor or teacher. Children learn to handle anger and worry, see other points of view and share. Playing doctor can even ease the fear of a real visit.

Art

Clay, crayons, scissors. It builds the small hand muscles that writing needs, and pride when you display the picture on the fridge.

Building

Blocks and Lego. Children learn to plan, compare, balance, sort and count, and move from stacking at random to building on purpose.

Thinking games

Puzzles, matching, sorting, memory and word games. They grow focus, problem-solving and language.

Active play

Running, balls, trikes, hide-and-seek. Strong muscles, plus cooperation, sharing, team spirit and healthy competition. Play in the park helps too: sunlight is good for growing bodies.

Choosing toys

Matches their age and interests.
Helps them learn, and can be used in many ways. Blocks that can be built and taken apart are best.
Free of harmful chemicals, with nothing small enough to swallow and no sharp corners or metal parts.
Bright, light, smooth, easy to clean and not very expensive.

Remember

What matters more than training every skill is the hug you give when your child manages a game. Praise their scribbles too, and never compare their drawings with another child’s.

Games to try
Game	Age	How to play	What it builds
Peek-a-boo	From 5 months	Cover your face and ask “Where did Mama go?” then uncover it: “Here I am!” Later, hide behind a chair and pop out.	Learning that you always come back.
Musical gloves	First year	Wear gloves with small bells and shake them in different places until your baby finds the sound.	Working out where sounds come from.
Stacking rings, bath toys, mobiles	First year	Rings on a post, boats and rubber ducks in the bath, toys hung over the crib.	Problem-solving, water play, focus.
Spoon play	First year	Give them spoons to play with. When they cooperate, put a little banana on one.	Feeding themselves.
Walking games	From walking	Walk sideways, backwards, on tiptoe or like a horse. Play follow the leader.	Balance and coordination.
Shape sorting, building, dominoes	From 1 year	Put shapes through matching holes, build with large blocks, match pictures on dominoes.	Shapes, planning, turn-taking.
Colours and sounds	From 1½	“Show me the red ball.” Tap a pot, a drum and a spoon and ask what made the sound.	Colours and listening.
Acting games	From 1½	Copy you sweeping the floor, or take turns being the kind doctor.	Imitation and confidence.
Simon says	2 to 4	Obey only when the leader says “Simon says”. Try using your child’s name.	Attention and focus.
Memory game	3 to 4	Show 12 pictures for a few seconds, cover them, and see who remembers the most.	Memory.
Will it fly?	3 to 4	Name animals and birds. Flap your arms only for the ones that fly.	Listening and knowledge.
Matching and guessing	3 to 4	Find the twin of each picture. Or hide a picture and let them ask yes-or-no questions to guess it.	Reasoning and language.
Racing and follow the animal	2 to 4	Race to a parent for a prize. Put four animal pictures in the corners, play music, and send children to the animal you call.	Speed, fun and listening.

Play dough at home

Home-made is free of the chemicals in some shop-bought clay. Not for eating, so supervise, and wash hands afterwards.

1 cup flour, ½ cup salt, 2 tablespoons cream of tartar, 1 tablespoon oil.
Mix in a pan, then add 1 cup water.
Cook on medium heat for 3 to 5 minutes, stirring, until it clumps.
Knead for 5 minutes, adding food colouring. Keep it in a covered container.

Rhymes, songs and stories

Short, simple words, happy and funny, with room to clap, run and move.
You can use traditional songs, but check the words are Islamically acceptable, or write new ones about honesty, prayer and reading Qur’an.
Use picture books when you tell stories, so they can see what you describe.
Skip frightening stories about ghosts, man-eating lions or people who snatch children.

Kids Corner: checked Islamic shows, books and channels

What a nursery is for

Nursery or kindergarten prepares your child to move into school without a shock. It isn’t there to teach reading and writing. At this age the eyes, the nervous system and the fine hand muscles aren’t ready, and pushing it is like forcing a five-month-old to stand and walk.

What it should do

Help them speak and express themselves clearly.
Train attention and listening.
Build a love of books and knowledge.
Strengthen movement, muscles and the five senses.
Teach cooperation, sharing, and right and wrong.

Learning windows

A timeline from Maria Montessori. Children differ, so treat the ages as a guide.

1½ to 3 years
Language grows quickly.
2 to 4 years
Control of movement, and a sense of order.
3½ to 4½
Ready to prepare for writing.
4½ to 5½
Ready to prepare for reading.

Choosing a nursery

The teacher

The most important thing. She is a substitute mother for children away from home for the first time, and a role model. Her character and values matter as much as her qualifications.

Location

Close enough to walk. Away from markets, noise, factories, pollution and fast roads. Among homes and green space.

Space and building

Room for the number and ages of the children to play freely, indoors and out. Plenty of light and fresh air.

Play areas

A grassy area, clean sand, and big equipment such as swings and slides.

Health services

A first-aid room and a social worker or counsellor.

Safety

Plates and cups in stainless steel, not glass or plastic that reacts with food. Safe play equipment, and non-toxic crayons and paint.

Getting ready to read

The aim is to build language, so that reading is easy when it comes. Add as many words as you can.

Outings and parties

They feel part of a bigger group, meet new words and learn to do things themselves.

Stories and puppets

Stories grow vocabulary and imagination and teach careful listening. Puppet plays teach manners and ideas.

Role play and letters

Dramatic play builds expression. For letters, write the same letter on several cards and a different one on one, and let your child spot the odd one out.

Getting ready to write

Preparing to write means better coordination, sharper eyes, stronger finger muscles and a good pen grip. Start with free scribbling, then tracing lines, then joining dots.

Steps

Scribble
Pens and paper, and plenty of time.
Hold the pen
Gradually teach a proper grip.
Trace and join
Follow lines and connect dots to make straight lines.

Trace the dotted lines with a crayon

Nursery visit checklist

The teachers are qualified, warm and good role models.
It is close to home and away from busy roads and noise.
There is room to play indoors and out, with light and fresh air.
A grassy area, clean sand and safe equipment.
A first-aid room and someone to look after children’s wellbeing.
Cups and plates are safe, and crayons and paint are non-toxic.
They don’t push formal reading and writing too early.

Sources and notes

How to read this page

How to read the boxes

Blue “Newer guidance” boxes show current medical advice. It is subject to change as new evidence comes in, so check it with your doctor.
Red boxes are the points where you should call a doctor.
Green boxes are Islamic rulings.

About this guide

A practical guide to a child’s first four years, written for parents and organised by age. It draws on established parenting and paediatric guidance, and on the Qur’an and Sunnah for the Islamic parts.

Every Quran and hadith reference on this page

Qur’an 2:233, 11:71
Sahih al-Bukhari 441, 1127, 1284, 1303, 2753, 3130, 3371, 3705, 5136, 5376, 5467, 5889, 5995, 5997, 6224, 6231, 6232
Sahih Muslim 54, 204, 257, 775, 923, 1419, 1623, 2145, 2315, 2316, 2409, 2629, 2727
Sunan Abi Dawud 2125, 2838, 3854, 5002, 5034, 5105, 5217
Jami’ at-Tirmidhi 1513, 1514, 1519, 2060, 2516, 3872
Sunan an-Nasa’i 1141, 3375

Go deeper

For your child

Kids Corner

Checked Islamic cartoons, books and YouTube channels for Muslim children, with practical advice on making any of it stick.

Prophet Muhammed

His life and character, and how he was with the people closest to him.

Explore

Dhikr Before Sleep

The words the Prophet taught for bedtime. A calm end to the day for you and your little ones.

Explore

Quranic Duas

Duas taken straight from the Quran, for you and your family.

Explore

How To Pray

The habit to build first, and the one your child will copy.

Explore

Ramadan Resources

Getting the whole family ready, including the little ones.

Explore

Mental Health

For the days when being a new mother feels heavier than you expected.

Explore

New to all of this? Start from the beginning.